Disassembling the Self-Loathing Cycle

I have two action items on my New Year’s Plan:

1) Hate less.

See, I’m already doing a number of the Necessary Things, just … well, I uh, don’t do them until it gets to the point where I hate myself for not doing them, and then I do a stupid lot of them all at once and everything is absolutely amazing for maybe 24 hours, but then I’m wiped out and just don’t want to do a damn thing. It’d be great if it was just a 24 hour period of not wanting to do a damn thing, but experience has proven that this hating everything else only wanes in the face of hating myself.

2) Be more consistent.

It would have been easy for me to put “do more” here, but I’m convinced that adding to the list of Necessary Things is not the way to deal with Action Item #1. It’s already a freaking big list…

…though not a well-organized one.  For example, “Moisturize” and “Write” are right next to each other, and both are several rungs below “Make sure dryer lint trap is clean”.  Maybe fixing that will be a goal for 2014.

…and I’m trying to keep this simple.

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