A Monster Easter

Hello, last day of April.  Where did the rest of you go?  I know you must have happened, because the calendar’s generally right about these things, but … wow, you just slipped right by behind proposal deadlines, quarterly/annual evaluations, more doctor’s visits, home improvement projects, the sorry remnants of the Monster’s spring break and my growing alarm at how easily the math I’m trying to cram into my skull this semester slips out the back when I’m not looking.  I also managed to finish the block outline of the current project.

There was Easter, too, which I almost forgot about. ‘Almost’ meaning that I was peripherally aware of it, thanks to all of the flowers and decorations and Resurrection-themed church signs I drove by on my way to work or the grocery store — but I didn’t do any active thinking about holiday plans until my MIL said I could bring whatever I wanted to brunch last weekend.  Brunch?  Eh?  What are we … oh, right.  EASTER!

To those of you who are baffled by my not being reminded by The Monster that the Easter Bunny was coming, I say hahahahahahahaha.  To him, the Easter Bunny is still just a creepy alien creature that hangs out in shopping malls or comes to the school for Picture Day —

— his elementary school also offers holiday (with or without Santa) and Easter pictures in addition to the annual school picture, a practice I still find a little strange — 

— Easter Bunny does not come to our house. Easter Bunny may come to Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop’s house, but the only bunnies at our house are rab-bits that live in the yard.

I still haven’t figured out how we’re going to introduce the idea of the Tooth Fairy to the Monster, or if even if we should.  Part of April was consumed by his having to get four baby teeth extracted. His first two permanent teeth came in, but emerged behind four smaller baby teeth instead of pushing them out of their sockets.  The Monster’s baby teeth, in addition to being perfectly straight and cavity-free, are also … as appropriate for a young monster …  strong enough to chew through leather.  Or possibly stainless steel. Not that we’ve tried putting salt on either of those to see if he’d eat them for dinner.  Honestly.

I won’t swear that there haven’t been nights I haven’t thought about it, or that I don’t find it ironic that once upon a time, I played a glass-eating AmberMUSH character whose children and grandchildren needed cast iron pacifiers.

So, it was off to his dentist for a consult, and when she determined that I was not crazy for thinking the baby teeth would never loosen on their own, we scheduled an extraction.  He recovered in a couple of days.  I recovered in about a week.

The Monster wouldn’t drink the pre-gas sedative until I resorted to distracting him by belting out Three Dog Night’s “One”. Yes, right there in the dentist’s office. In front of strangers. While sober. Hey, it worked!

I then had to bear-hug his legs and one of his arms throughout the procedure, while two dental assistants steadied his head and other arm, and everybody in the examination suite sang a very extended round of “Row Your Boat”. Why did we have to do such a thing when he was under gas and the influence of a sedative? Oh, sweeties, the Monster’s being sedated just means that he feels less pain while he’s going Bourne.  Without being held and sung to, he would have calmly plucked the instruments out of the dentist’s hand, flung them and himself across the exam suite, and been through the waiting room and out in the parking lot before she’d gotten her breath back enough to yell for help. Okay, I’m exaggerating a little bit. His waiting room dash would have been interrupted by my dive-tackling him. And I’m reasonably sure he hasn’t yet figured out how to hotwire the truck. Reasonably.

Maybe @bhoneydew‘s right about my needing a newer vehicle.

But, yeah.  Tooth Fairy.  Not sure if we’re going to bring up that subject just yet. Especially if we wind up having to have the rest of his baby teeth extracted.

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